Blog Post 5 - Some Bills dont Disappear With Divorce

Of course, financial independence after divorce doesn't mean every dollar you earn suddenly becomes yours to do with as you please.

Far from it.

One of the things I fought hardest for during my divorce was equal time with my daughter.

I eventually achieved 50/50 custody.

Perhaps naively, I assumed that if we were sharing the responsibility of raising our daughter equally, there wouldn't be a significant ongoing child support obligation.

I was wrong.

Despite having Anna 50% of the time, I was still required to pay thousands of dollars every month in child support.

I'll be honest.

That one hurt.

After everything I'd already spent on the divorce, after dividing the assets (mostly in favour of my ex) and effectively starting my financial life again, another substantial monthly payment wasn't exactly what I wanted to see leaving my bank account.

But eventually I had to decide how I was going to look at it.

I could spend every month resenting that payment.

Or I could remind myself who it was supposed to be for.

My daughter.

If that money meant Anna had greater financial security in both of her homes, then it was something I could live with.

Painful?

Absolutely.

But necessary.

And perhaps that's another lesson I've learned about rebuilding financially after divorce.

Recovery isn't about hoarding every dollar you have left.

You still have responsibilities.

Your children still need stability.

There are bills that have to be paid whether you like them or not.

The challenge is learning to meet those obligations whilst continuing to rebuild your own financial future.

For me, that meant accepting the child support payment as exactly what it was:

A bill.

A very large bill.

But a bill I could budget for.

Once I started treating it that way rather than emotionally relitigating it every month, something changed.

It simply became part of the calculation.

Income.

Mortgage.

Living expenses.

Child support.

Savings.

Investments.

What's left?

That's the number I can work with.

And ultimately, financial recovery isn't about wishing your obligations were different.

It's about taking the circumstances you actually have and building from there.

I can't change the starting point.

But I can absolutely decide where I finish.